First Self-erecting Bionic Penis Brings Out The Poetry In Reviewers

Source: ullstein bild / Getty

Just when you think they’ve thought of everything, the sex toy world is here to prove you wrong.

The British company Lovehoney is pleased to present to you the “self-erecting bionic penis” Uprize!

That’s right…the dildo product has a floppy mode and with the touch of a button, it can grow into a fully erect 6-inch penis just for your (or someone else’s) pleasure.

Once hard, the dildo has a motor in the tip with ten different settings ranging from “intense to off-the-scale.”

You can thank China for inspiring the “AutoErect” technology. Their snake toys, which can stand erect or curl up like a limp you-know-what, served as a muse.

Reviewers are already singing Uprize’s praises, to the point where you’d think Shakespeare was behind the keyboard.

Descriptions of the item range from “mesmerizing to watch” to a “mighty mechanical beast.”

If you need inspiration for a future open mic, I’ve gathered the most poetic lines from reviewers just for you.

Swipe through to discover the wave of emotions Uprize is stirring!

“Presented as a flaccid penis and testicles, switching this on, it literally comes to life, and what an impressive life it has, as it majestically stands proud ready for action.”

– Tiger D*ck

“We shared this testing experience with another couple, who we love to play with. They, like us, were wowed by the sheer sight of this beast…toy seems such an inadequate noun.”

– Tiger D*ck

“It isn’t the quietest of toys, the erection action proving to add a distinctive tone that adds drama to what is literally unfolding before your eyes.”

– Tiger D*ck

“From both psychological and orgasm points of view, this toy is fantastic.”

– J-Curious

There you have it people.

Will you be ordering one?